Fear

One of the hardest things about living with epilepsy is the fear of seizures. This is so hard for your caretakers, family, and friends... The last thing they want to happen is have their loved one falling to the floor and half-dying from a gran-mal seizure. More often than not, when I have a generalized tonic-clonic seizure I end up smashing my head into something very hard or sharp and end up with bruises, cuts, and blood on the floor. Probably the only good thing about it is that you are unconcious before you hit. Evidently it is much worse for those around you... and very scary.

For me, the fear of having a seizure is very real, and one that I have to deal with daily. What if I fall and die today? If I follow the "what if" line of reasoning too long, it can be overwhelming... What if I have a seizure while walking accross the street? What if I have a seizure while wallking down a flight of stairs? What will happen if I have a seizure in the middle of a presentation to 50 of my co-workers? Carried too far, I would simply have to stay in my bed and never leave. My method: just avoid thinking about it altogether. Which makes me bold and seemingly dismissive of the worries of my family and friends.

It seems to really bother them that I don't appear to care about what happens to me... I do care though, it is just that taking too much interest in my self preservation would paralize me with fear. I'm no wise man, but all this worrying cant be good... in the words of Master Yoda: "Fear is the way to the Dark Side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering."


How can you maintain a healthy level of caution about your life without becoming overly fearful... How can you avoid this fear from becoming a burden on your soul? I don't know...